weeks have passed and yet they seemed like days
too many things on my "to do" list...and none of them seem to want to get crossed off. My mind is clouded by questions of "is it the right choice?" and yet no one in this world can help me give them an answer...only myself and only with God's help.
The light at the end of the tunnel has vanished. Everything seems hazy.
I don't see how I'll ever finish these stupid assignments. I don't see how I'll ever be ready to sit for those exams in less than a month's time. But especially. I don't see how I'll ever be able to get the grades I need to live the dream. And yet initially it didn't seem so difficult.
It is time to press the stop button for the background music and the play button for the real thing.
To pull up my socks and press the accelerator pedal.
To forget everything else and live for IT.
But most importantly, to give all I have and all I'm worth for IT.
It might still not be enough, but at least I would have tried.
farewell my dears xxx
Monday, December 28, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
thinking thinking thinking
This morning I realized what might be causing all the headaches: I think too much.
It's not funny...I really do think to much!
Martin tells me that I over-analyse everything and he is perfectly right! before I reach any cross roads I stop and think it all out. I think of all the possible pros and cons of every choice, and I even go further. I also come up with a number of "what if's" for what will be happening after that choice. ...And my little brain tries to analyse all this info to be able to choose the right path. And the path it tries to choose isn't the right path right now but it is the right path which will be right forever....and believe me, all this thinking and analyzing is bloody tiring!
At times I wish I could unplug my brain and live life on the spur of the moment and lock out all of this worrying and thinking and stuff...but when I stop and THINK about it I realize that I don't really want that either. When I was younger I used to make choices on the spur of the moment and I managed to collect quite a number of horrible choices over the years.
So NO, I don't want to stop thinking...I just want to find a way of switching it off during lectures or while I'm trying to understand the concepts behind X-ray diffraction or while working out vibrations tutorial sheets or even worse: while I'm trying to fall asleep...even though I found a solution for that: I start counting and by the time I'm at one hundred forty something I fall asleep. lol
Oh, and I think I know why I like the Networks lectures. My brain seems to analyse stuff in exactly the same way as we analyse networks to find the shortest path from a to b etc in networks. It's a pretty weird feeling to like a maths subject at uni!
Don't worry if you didn't understand shit of what you just read...my brain is complicated.
Now I'm off to continue my x-ray diffraction assignment...the joy!
xxxx
It's not funny...I really do think to much!
Martin tells me that I over-analyse everything and he is perfectly right! before I reach any cross roads I stop and think it all out. I think of all the possible pros and cons of every choice, and I even go further. I also come up with a number of "what if's" for what will be happening after that choice. ...And my little brain tries to analyse all this info to be able to choose the right path. And the path it tries to choose isn't the right path right now but it is the right path which will be right forever....and believe me, all this thinking and analyzing is bloody tiring!
At times I wish I could unplug my brain and live life on the spur of the moment and lock out all of this worrying and thinking and stuff...but when I stop and THINK about it I realize that I don't really want that either. When I was younger I used to make choices on the spur of the moment and I managed to collect quite a number of horrible choices over the years.
So NO, I don't want to stop thinking...I just want to find a way of switching it off during lectures or while I'm trying to understand the concepts behind X-ray diffraction or while working out vibrations tutorial sheets or even worse: while I'm trying to fall asleep...even though I found a solution for that: I start counting and by the time I'm at one hundred forty something I fall asleep. lol
Oh, and I think I know why I like the Networks lectures. My brain seems to analyse stuff in exactly the same way as we analyse networks to find the shortest path from a to b etc in networks. It's a pretty weird feeling to like a maths subject at uni!
Don't worry if you didn't understand shit of what you just read...my brain is complicated.
Now I'm off to continue my x-ray diffraction assignment...the joy!
xxxx
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