well I realise that I haven't written for quite a while now but at times life pulls you through days and weeks and months without even letting you realise that time is actually passing and that your experiences are morphing you into a slightly different being.
I don't want to change...I want to be who I am at the moment and just be the same until I die but whether I want it or not some subtle changes in my character and in the way I act will undoubtedly have to take place during the course of my life...but then what if my old friends, the ones that I've known forever and the ones that are like family for me, what if those friends, don't like who I've become?
At times I feel like I am in a two year limbo...two years of great change, great experiences, great new friends...but then what will happen when all this comes to an end will we all go back to our previous lives and forget all about the changes, the experiences, the friends and all? or will our 2 years become 6 or 10 or 20 years?
I wish there could be someone to answer all my questions...to tell me why life takes you to the very top just to show you how easy it is to fall back down to the bottom and to show you how much it would hurt to fall back down...life likes kicking you in the balls and leaving you on the ground surrounded by hungry wolves...so what keeps us from drowning in this sea of uncertainty? is it faith? if you ask me, I don't know...I hope that this last straw will help keep me afloat because this road is icy and I'm afraid I'm going to fall.
...I'm sorry for all this pessimism, it's not normal for me... but at times you just run out of pink spectacles and you realise how dull this world is without them
Monday, December 27, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
...Better late than never...
my first delftian post has finally arrived...I've been wanting to write for the last 4 weeks but I never seemed to find the time.
Today I woke up in a very bad mood because I had a lecture at 9 and I woke up at 10.15 and the lecture was quite important so I spent the last 3 hours really pissed off at myself for not waking up and the bad mood doesn't seem to want to go away :(...and I really want it to go away but I don't know what to do to make it go :( so I decided to write a post in this forgotten blog so that at least I will be doing something useful.
Delft is simply lovely...the more I see of it the more I fall in love with this place...at times I wish I had the time to just go round every single corner because almost everywhere you go you find something nice which makes you feel really happy to be here...because yes, apart from my bad mood this morning and the stress and tiredness I am happy :)
I am happy that I came to the Netherlands, I am happy I am studying at TU Delft, I am happy that I chose this course and I am happy that I went to eat turkish the day I got here (most probably you are asking yourself why I am happy I ate turkish right?...I'll explain why later)
Although I haven't seen much yet I feel the need to state that the Netherlands are great...because greatness is something beyond what you SEE when you visit different places...it has more to do with the vibe you get all along. And the vibe here is super positive...and it is a beautiful place too because although it looks ten times as wonderful when the sun is out, when it is cloudy and when the weather is really shitty it's still beautiful and actually I think it's nicer in a strange way.
anyway I just got to know that I got STEPS YIPPPYYYYY!
oh about the turkish food:
well the day we got here had slept at 1am and woke up at 4am to be at the airport in time and as soon as we arrived at our new homes we just unpacked and went to see what activities were being organised for the new arrivals and there was a supermarket trail so since we needed to buy food we joined it. Anyway while we were there we met (among others) 2 greeks (Nefeli and Tassos) a french girl and an Indian (who I had already spoken to via facebook). At the end of the trail we were all very hungry and this group of people went to eat turkish so we joined them.
in hindsight I realise that choosing to go to eat with them was the best decision we ever took because during that meal we go to know some of them better and now Tassos is a very good friend of ours...and I'm really glad we got to know him :)
anyway I go now
Tot Ziens xxxx
Today I woke up in a very bad mood because I had a lecture at 9 and I woke up at 10.15 and the lecture was quite important so I spent the last 3 hours really pissed off at myself for not waking up and the bad mood doesn't seem to want to go away :(...and I really want it to go away but I don't know what to do to make it go :( so I decided to write a post in this forgotten blog so that at least I will be doing something useful.
Delft is simply lovely...the more I see of it the more I fall in love with this place...at times I wish I had the time to just go round every single corner because almost everywhere you go you find something nice which makes you feel really happy to be here...because yes, apart from my bad mood this morning and the stress and tiredness I am happy :)
I am happy that I came to the Netherlands, I am happy I am studying at TU Delft, I am happy that I chose this course and I am happy that I went to eat turkish the day I got here (most probably you are asking yourself why I am happy I ate turkish right?...I'll explain why later)
Although I haven't seen much yet I feel the need to state that the Netherlands are great...because greatness is something beyond what you SEE when you visit different places...it has more to do with the vibe you get all along. And the vibe here is super positive...and it is a beautiful place too because although it looks ten times as wonderful when the sun is out, when it is cloudy and when the weather is really shitty it's still beautiful and actually I think it's nicer in a strange way.
anyway I just got to know that I got STEPS YIPPPYYYYY!
oh about the turkish food:
well the day we got here had slept at 1am and woke up at 4am to be at the airport in time and as soon as we arrived at our new homes we just unpacked and went to see what activities were being organised for the new arrivals and there was a supermarket trail so since we needed to buy food we joined it. Anyway while we were there we met (among others) 2 greeks (Nefeli and Tassos) a french girl and an Indian (who I had already spoken to via facebook). At the end of the trail we were all very hungry and this group of people went to eat turkish so we joined them.
in hindsight I realise that choosing to go to eat with them was the best decision we ever took because during that meal we go to know some of them better and now Tassos is a very good friend of ours...and I'm really glad we got to know him :)
anyway I go now
Tot Ziens xxxx
Monday, August 16, 2010
something I should have written long ago...
Hi,
I'm really sorry I haven't written in so long...the truth is that after I finished my exams I had loads of stuff to do and when I had very little left to do I decided to take a break from my laptop.
In less than 3 days I will be leaving Malta and the last few weeks/days have been a cacophony of emotions. Everybody I meet to say bye keeps asking me how I am feeling...but the truth is that I don't know exactly what it is. I am happy that my dream has come true but at the same time I am sad that I am going to have to leave all my friends and family behind...I am also scared that I will arrive in the Netherlands and I won't like the place, I will hate the weather and I will not be happy in the course I chose.
On the other hand I ask myself: But why should anything go wrong? the last couple of years of my life have been filled with situations which seemed desperate at that point in time but then, in some way or another, worked out perfectly well. It happened when I applied for Erasmus (I had a mediocre average back then so getting chosen for something I knew I wanted to do from day 1 at UOM was a miracle)...then again my thesis (Murphy's law from beginning to end...the problems just kept coming but in some way or another I managed to pull it off and I got a mark I am very proud of)...and again actually getting accepted at TU Delft was huge...I simply couldn't believe my eyes when I got that email back in January...so why can't everything go well this time too?...and yet that fear of failure still exists.
and then that painful punch in the heart comes back when I think of my friends. I think of all the times we laughed and cried together and all I want to do is shrink everyone and put them all in my suitcase....but as a big friend of mine told me last time: it wouldn't be fair in their respect because they would have to stop living their own lives to suit my whims....so don't worry I'm not going to shrink anyone with my shrinking ray :p
anyway now I'm off because I realise that this post has dragged on too much
...and remember that the next time I'll be writing, I'll be in the NETHERLANDS :)))))))))))))
I'm really sorry I haven't written in so long...the truth is that after I finished my exams I had loads of stuff to do and when I had very little left to do I decided to take a break from my laptop.
In less than 3 days I will be leaving Malta and the last few weeks/days have been a cacophony of emotions. Everybody I meet to say bye keeps asking me how I am feeling...but the truth is that I don't know exactly what it is. I am happy that my dream has come true but at the same time I am sad that I am going to have to leave all my friends and family behind...I am also scared that I will arrive in the Netherlands and I won't like the place, I will hate the weather and I will not be happy in the course I chose.
On the other hand I ask myself: But why should anything go wrong? the last couple of years of my life have been filled with situations which seemed desperate at that point in time but then, in some way or another, worked out perfectly well. It happened when I applied for Erasmus (I had a mediocre average back then so getting chosen for something I knew I wanted to do from day 1 at UOM was a miracle)...then again my thesis (Murphy's law from beginning to end...the problems just kept coming but in some way or another I managed to pull it off and I got a mark I am very proud of)...and again actually getting accepted at TU Delft was huge...I simply couldn't believe my eyes when I got that email back in January...so why can't everything go well this time too?...and yet that fear of failure still exists.
and then that painful punch in the heart comes back when I think of my friends. I think of all the times we laughed and cried together and all I want to do is shrink everyone and put them all in my suitcase....but as a big friend of mine told me last time: it wouldn't be fair in their respect because they would have to stop living their own lives to suit my whims....so don't worry I'm not going to shrink anyone with my shrinking ray :p
anyway now I'm off because I realise that this post has dragged on too much
...and remember that the next time I'll be writing, I'll be in the NETHERLANDS :)))))))))))))
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
...a little thought...
I came across this quotation and felt the need to share it with the few people who actually read this blog:
"The man who comes back through the Door in the Wall will never be quite the same as the man who went out. He will be wiser but less sure, happier but less self-satisfied, humbler in acknowledging his ignorance yet better equipped to understand the relationship of words to things, of systematic reasoning to the unfathomable mystery which it tries, forever vainly, to comprehend." - Aldous Huxley
I think that this person was very wise...it's just so perfectly explained that there is nothing else to add.
As for me...I'm fine. Studying was never and will never be my favourite activity although I recognise it is a necessary evil. I cannot believe that just two exams and a presentation are the only things which separate me from my B.Mech.Eng. I would like to fast forward to the moment the lecturers will stop asking me questions about my thesis to see what it will be like at that point...at that point when there would be nothing left to be said and done...the point when all I did in the past four years will be put in the balance...like a mini final judgement. And what will be the verdict? that I am a mediocre or a good student? I don't know.
I am a person who fears change and yet, like a child who knows that fire is hot and will burn their skin, I feel attracted towards it. I don't know what it is but I know it is there... it stops my "worst case scenario" analysis and makes me want to do things that will take me to new places to do new things with new people...me ...a person who as a child had big problems socialising because of my almost-obesity and constant allergies which gave me the long lost nickname "green monster". And yet even then I never let people realise how much that nickname hurt me...I used to go on with the joke and just encapsulate the pain in a steel sphere...just to be released while I used to be walking towards my mother's car from the school exit. Then one fine day my mum asked why I had lost that sparkle in my eyes...I wanted to cry, scream, shout...but I told her I didn't know why. With time I shed the weight and the allergies stopped so things got better but once you lose that sparkle it is difficult to get it back...I got most of it back at sixth form (the best two years of my life) and now I get it intermittently...I hope it will be back one day.
I don't know where all this came from...I didn't plan to write so much...but once it's written I won't delete it.
to the person I love most in the entire world...the same person who gave me back my sparkle...the person who isn't very likely to read my blog post and yet I love him just the same...you are my sunshine!
:)
"The man who comes back through the Door in the Wall will never be quite the same as the man who went out. He will be wiser but less sure, happier but less self-satisfied, humbler in acknowledging his ignorance yet better equipped to understand the relationship of words to things, of systematic reasoning to the unfathomable mystery which it tries, forever vainly, to comprehend." - Aldous Huxley
I think that this person was very wise...it's just so perfectly explained that there is nothing else to add.
As for me...I'm fine. Studying was never and will never be my favourite activity although I recognise it is a necessary evil. I cannot believe that just two exams and a presentation are the only things which separate me from my B.Mech.Eng. I would like to fast forward to the moment the lecturers will stop asking me questions about my thesis to see what it will be like at that point...at that point when there would be nothing left to be said and done...the point when all I did in the past four years will be put in the balance...like a mini final judgement. And what will be the verdict? that I am a mediocre or a good student? I don't know.
I am a person who fears change and yet, like a child who knows that fire is hot and will burn their skin, I feel attracted towards it. I don't know what it is but I know it is there... it stops my "worst case scenario" analysis and makes me want to do things that will take me to new places to do new things with new people...me ...a person who as a child had big problems socialising because of my almost-obesity and constant allergies which gave me the long lost nickname "green monster". And yet even then I never let people realise how much that nickname hurt me...I used to go on with the joke and just encapsulate the pain in a steel sphere...just to be released while I used to be walking towards my mother's car from the school exit. Then one fine day my mum asked why I had lost that sparkle in my eyes...I wanted to cry, scream, shout...but I told her I didn't know why. With time I shed the weight and the allergies stopped so things got better but once you lose that sparkle it is difficult to get it back...I got most of it back at sixth form (the best two years of my life) and now I get it intermittently...I hope it will be back one day.
I don't know where all this came from...I didn't plan to write so much...but once it's written I won't delete it.
to the person I love most in the entire world...the same person who gave me back my sparkle...the person who isn't very likely to read my blog post and yet I love him just the same...you are my sunshine!
:)
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Karma Karma wherefore art thou?
Karma Karma wherefore art thou?
have you crossed the sea so deep,
and then walked to mountains, steep?
did you lose your purse and phone,
leaving you unable to call home?
I really need you to come back here.
I'll pick you up, just tell me where!
I need your help, I've so much to do,
and now the potentiostat has gone mad too.
You're right, you're right
it's I who's got to fight.
but alone I'm weak, I need your help!
what's this now? you say you don't exist?
you say the answer lies tied to my neck?
but I only have faith and charity...I have no hope
Oh...you say that faith will give me the hope I need...
...maybe you're right
...and maybe I'm wrong
...maybe I do have hope after all
OK then, enjoy the mountains, and send me a post card every now and again!
xxxx
have you crossed the sea so deep,
and then walked to mountains, steep?
did you lose your purse and phone,
leaving you unable to call home?
I really need you to come back here.
I'll pick you up, just tell me where!
I need your help, I've so much to do,
and now the potentiostat has gone mad too.
You're right, you're right
it's I who's got to fight.
but alone I'm weak, I need your help!
what's this now? you say you don't exist?
you say the answer lies tied to my neck?
but I only have faith and charity...I have no hope
Oh...you say that faith will give me the hope I need...
...maybe you're right
...and maybe I'm wrong
...maybe I do have hope after all
OK then, enjoy the mountains, and send me a post card every now and again!
xxxx
Monday, April 19, 2010
Karma Restored!
Today was a good day :)
I actually managed to wake up at a decent time even though I went to sleep at 2am, arrived at uni at 8.30am (Great achievement!!) and managed to do all the work I had planned to do.
apart from these trivial, but none the less positive, achievements I had a little surprise waiting for me in the lab this morning. The corrupt data I kept whining about all weekend was miraculously still intact in the lab pc =D
...just to clarify, the pcs we have are really shitty and old, do not have a usb drive and are not connected to the internet so basically the only way to export the data is to save it on floppy disk...now when you need to save 20files which are approximately 800kB each on a floppy the obvious conclusion is that you need to zip them. But winzip decided he wanted to piss me off so he fiddled a bit with the data in some of the files.
anyway I'm glad the data is safe and sound in my laptop finally
now all I have to do is work on my synopsis and literature review...Yipppy!! : /
...7days to the handing in of synopsis and lit rev
...35 days to the handing in of the final version of the thesis
...58days to the thesis presentation/viva ie the end of my B.Mech.Eng
Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
...and then...party time!!
after Olevels I cancaned all along republic street
...this time it's going to have to be something WILD!
I actually managed to wake up at a decent time even though I went to sleep at 2am, arrived at uni at 8.30am (Great achievement!!) and managed to do all the work I had planned to do.
apart from these trivial, but none the less positive, achievements I had a little surprise waiting for me in the lab this morning. The corrupt data I kept whining about all weekend was miraculously still intact in the lab pc =D
...just to clarify, the pcs we have are really shitty and old, do not have a usb drive and are not connected to the internet so basically the only way to export the data is to save it on floppy disk...now when you need to save 20files which are approximately 800kB each on a floppy the obvious conclusion is that you need to zip them. But winzip decided he wanted to piss me off so he fiddled a bit with the data in some of the files.
anyway I'm glad the data is safe and sound in my laptop finally
now all I have to do is work on my synopsis and literature review...Yipppy!! : /
...7days to the handing in of synopsis and lit rev
...35 days to the handing in of the final version of the thesis
...58days to the thesis presentation/viva ie the end of my B.Mech.Eng
Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
...and then...party time!!
after Olevels I cancaned all along republic street
...this time it's going to have to be something WILD!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Bad Karma
I don't usually believe in shit like karma and stuff but lately I'm rethinking my views.
my thesis work is a live example of murphy's law (whatever cannot go wrong, will go wrong in the worst possible manner)....come on! now that I thought I had managed to solve all the problems, I look at the data of my last test and I find that the stupid programme I use to record data managed to garble half the data. Which means I wasted one day worth of work between grinding, polishing, laquering and testing of the sample. LOVELY!
...and then Daniel wonders why I say I don't like computers
I know that at times they are useful and really make our life simpler but the truth is that most of the time they just make us swear and waste a lot of time and effort.
I just hope that having had a week of rest the computer at the lab will stop giving me rubbish and start giving me data I can work with...just living for the day all this will end!
I'm living for mid june...and the post exam shopping spree and post exam swim and post BEng UOM party...cos we're going to need one hell of a party!
my thesis work is a live example of murphy's law (whatever cannot go wrong, will go wrong in the worst possible manner)....come on! now that I thought I had managed to solve all the problems, I look at the data of my last test and I find that the stupid programme I use to record data managed to garble half the data. Which means I wasted one day worth of work between grinding, polishing, laquering and testing of the sample. LOVELY!
...and then Daniel wonders why I say I don't like computers
I know that at times they are useful and really make our life simpler but the truth is that most of the time they just make us swear and waste a lot of time and effort.
I just hope that having had a week of rest the computer at the lab will stop giving me rubbish and start giving me data I can work with...just living for the day all this will end!
I'm living for mid june...and the post exam shopping spree and post exam swim and post BEng UOM party...cos we're going to need one hell of a party!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
light light where have you gone?
more than a week after Malta suffered a major power outage I cry out loud: "my light my light where have you gone?"
but my light does not depend on the luminescence of some metal/gas when excited by the electrons flowing through it...it depends on something different...something deeper within.
as exams and deadlines approach (very very fast) my body seems to shut down in a manner similar to hedgehogs in the middle of a highway..the thing is that I don't want it to shut down..I want a 2010 porche cayenne and instead I'm left with a 1957 Fiat 500.
and yet the light is still absent
...and i want it soo bad
is it normal to want a course so bad you're ready to write a 3000word long personal statement...get accepted for the course even though you don't fulfill the grade entry requirements and then the second ur told u wer accepted you start doubting everything and you stop feeling the spark (which was more of a lightning bolt before) when you look at the course description? I don't think that now that it has been all set, airline ticket booked and the fees paid it's the time when I should be doubting things.
I'm not saying that it's not a dream come true and that I'm not happy, don't get me wrong...it's just that I thought it would feel different.
on another note:
Anu left today...and it was soo sad to see her cry her heart out before she left...it is impressive how much we can get attached to our homes away from home. and yet no matter how sorry I was to see her leave, I just couldn't cry...and I couldn't understand it when I was there...then when she walked away from that glass window of the duty free area it hit me...why should I cry when I'm sure we will meet again...because I am sure that if we won't be able to go to india, there will be a day when she will return to this sunny rock. so there is absolutely no reason to be sad...it's not an adieu but a see you soon :)
and then I thought of what will be happening in exactly 4 months and 19 days...and just the thought makes me want to cry...the thought of leaving everything behind and starting afresh is beautiful and yet horrible at the same time...i will miss abi hugs when I cry cos the lab officer is making me go mad and i am stressed and tired...i will miss picking on abigail...i will miss julia ice tea after mass on sundays and julia chats and julia hugs and the sound of her laughter...i will miss the conversations I have with maria about future and masters and university and a lot of other things...I will miss post exam shopping sprees with girlfriends...i will miss stefan's funny dancemoves and tight hugs...i will miss the pointless conversations with matthew and thomas...i will miss the summer bbqs next to surfside with julia thomas matthew and co...i will miss the way at times i would like to send matthew and thomas to hell but i end up not sending them to hell cos deep down i know i love them too much and i dont want them to hate me...i will miss a whole lot of other things but most of all i will miss the way michela says "Ti Ti" when she hears my voice, the way she runs towards me when I get home from a long day at uni and the way she hugs me tight and kisses me.
...and IF I don't cry when I'm leaving please don't think it's because I don't love you all...it's because most probably I will be spending all the flight crying like a baby like when we went to Glasgow...but since even writing these things made me cry, the chances are that I won't manage to keep it in that long!
good night
xxxxxxx
but my light does not depend on the luminescence of some metal/gas when excited by the electrons flowing through it...it depends on something different...something deeper within.
as exams and deadlines approach (very very fast) my body seems to shut down in a manner similar to hedgehogs in the middle of a highway..the thing is that I don't want it to shut down..I want a 2010 porche cayenne and instead I'm left with a 1957 Fiat 500.
and yet the light is still absent
...and i want it soo bad
is it normal to want a course so bad you're ready to write a 3000word long personal statement...get accepted for the course even though you don't fulfill the grade entry requirements and then the second ur told u wer accepted you start doubting everything and you stop feeling the spark (which was more of a lightning bolt before) when you look at the course description? I don't think that now that it has been all set, airline ticket booked and the fees paid it's the time when I should be doubting things.
I'm not saying that it's not a dream come true and that I'm not happy, don't get me wrong...it's just that I thought it would feel different.
on another note:
Anu left today...and it was soo sad to see her cry her heart out before she left...it is impressive how much we can get attached to our homes away from home. and yet no matter how sorry I was to see her leave, I just couldn't cry...and I couldn't understand it when I was there...then when she walked away from that glass window of the duty free area it hit me...why should I cry when I'm sure we will meet again...because I am sure that if we won't be able to go to india, there will be a day when she will return to this sunny rock. so there is absolutely no reason to be sad...it's not an adieu but a see you soon :)
and then I thought of what will be happening in exactly 4 months and 19 days...and just the thought makes me want to cry...the thought of leaving everything behind and starting afresh is beautiful and yet horrible at the same time...i will miss abi hugs when I cry cos the lab officer is making me go mad and i am stressed and tired...i will miss picking on abigail...i will miss julia ice tea after mass on sundays and julia chats and julia hugs and the sound of her laughter...i will miss the conversations I have with maria about future and masters and university and a lot of other things...I will miss post exam shopping sprees with girlfriends...i will miss stefan's funny dancemoves and tight hugs...i will miss the pointless conversations with matthew and thomas...i will miss the summer bbqs next to surfside with julia thomas matthew and co...i will miss the way at times i would like to send matthew and thomas to hell but i end up not sending them to hell cos deep down i know i love them too much and i dont want them to hate me...i will miss a whole lot of other things but most of all i will miss the way michela says "Ti Ti" when she hears my voice, the way she runs towards me when I get home from a long day at uni and the way she hugs me tight and kisses me.
...and IF I don't cry when I'm leaving please don't think it's because I don't love you all...it's because most probably I will be spending all the flight crying like a baby like when we went to Glasgow...but since even writing these things made me cry, the chances are that I won't manage to keep it in that long!
good night
xxxxxxx
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Writer's Block
...I am suffering from Acute Writerus Blockitis...also known as writer's block. The weird thing is that I really feel like filling my blog with new posts and have loads of things to say...but when it comes to writing my literature review, inspiration flies out of the window!
meeehhhhhhhh!!!!!
Now that we bought the one-way tickets for the 19th of August it suddenly started sinking in...THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING TO ME!
when I got to know I was accepted for SAC 6th form I was happy because I knew it was an opportunity to start afresh...and at that point I WANTED to start afresh!...now I don't really need to start afresh...all my friend vacancies have been filled... I have the friends I have intelligent conversations with, those with which I simply act silly, those I go shopping with and the one I enjoy doing all of the above with(and this person isn't necessarily Daniel)...and yet I'm still going to start afresh...this time not because I'm unhappy with what I have but because I want to do something more...
definition of more from http://www.yourdictionary.com/more :
meeehhhhhhhh!!!!!
Now that we bought the one-way tickets for the 19th of August it suddenly started sinking in...THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING TO ME!
when I got to know I was accepted for SAC 6th form I was happy because I knew it was an opportunity to start afresh...and at that point I WANTED to start afresh!...now I don't really need to start afresh...all my friend vacancies have been filled... I have the friends I have intelligent conversations with, those with which I simply act silly, those I go shopping with and the one I enjoy doing all of the above with(and this person isn't necessarily Daniel)...and yet I'm still going to start afresh...this time not because I'm unhappy with what I have but because I want to do something more...
definition of more from http://www.yourdictionary.com/more :
adjective
- greater in amount, degree, or number: often used as the comparative of much ormany we have more time than we thought
- additional; further take more tea
noun
- a greater amount, quantity, or degree
- a greater number (of persons or things) more of us are going
- a greater number of persons or things
- something additional or further more can be said
- something of greater importance
adverb
- in or to a greater degree or extent: used with many adjectives and adverbs (regularly with those of three or more syllables) to form the comparative degree more satisfying,more intensely
- in addition; further; again; longer
and yet, my kind of "more" is still difficult to define
It's certainly not more friends or more money
...well maybe the closest I can get to it is: being in a position to do more for more people...and yet this can still be misinterpreted.
Some people think that I want to change the world...I don't want to change the world...I want to change the mentality of those who think that the world cannot be changed.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
to make julia and elaine happy
ok one little update...the lyrics were:
Waiting for something to happen!
Grey skies are hiding what I've done.
If I could tell you what I'm feeling,
You'd be drowning in this ocean I embrace
Waiting for something to happen!
Grey skies are hiding what I've done.
If I could tell you what I'm feeling,
You'd be drowning in this ocean I embrace
Happy now Ju?
oh, and yes, I'm not waiting any more...I'm a happy bunny...and in a few months time I'm going to start learning a new language......do you need any more hints Elaine? things will be fully revealed during the live-in...I only told VERY few ppl and I want to keep things like this for now...mainly because if I get a resit I'm f****d big time!
Happy now?
Issa halluni nistudja ta forsi jghaddi kollox b'wicc il-gid!
hugz xxx
Monday, January 11, 2010
Waiting
At 6th form some of my friends were in a band called Rushour and one of their originals was called "Waiting" and it said:
waiting for something to happen,
....
If I could tell you what I'm feeling,
You'd be drowning in the ocean I embrace...
...and that is exactly how I am feeling right now! the confirmation/dismissal email from Delft could be in any time. This morning when I switched on my laptop by the time I got to check my emails my heart was beating at 200 beats/min and my hands were(and still are) shaking...but it was all for nothing...still 79 unread msgs...not 80...not 81...pfff
waiting for an answer from these dutch guys is like being mawmettu's mountian...you wait, you wait and it never comes...so much so that the mountain decided to go to mawmettu instead. Problem is that I cannot go to Delft now so I'm going to have to wait and hope and pray that the email comes to me...possibly with a positive answer!
I have no idea how I'm going to manage to do anything today apart from clicking refresh!
waiting for something to happen,
....
If I could tell you what I'm feeling,
You'd be drowning in the ocean I embrace...
...and that is exactly how I am feeling right now! the confirmation/dismissal email from Delft could be in any time. This morning when I switched on my laptop by the time I got to check my emails my heart was beating at 200 beats/min and my hands were(and still are) shaking...but it was all for nothing...still 79 unread msgs...not 80...not 81...pfff
waiting for an answer from these dutch guys is like being mawmettu's mountian...you wait, you wait and it never comes...so much so that the mountain decided to go to mawmettu instead. Problem is that I cannot go to Delft now so I'm going to have to wait and hope and pray that the email comes to me...possibly with a positive answer!
I have no idea how I'm going to manage to do anything today apart from clicking refresh!
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