to make julia and elaine happy

ok one little update...the lyrics were:
Waiting for something to happen!
Grey skies are hiding what I've done.
If I could tell you what I'm feeling,
You'd be drowning in this ocean I embrace

Happy now Ju?

oh, and yes, I'm not waiting any more...I'm a happy bunny...and in a few months time I'm going to start learning a new language......do you need any more hints Elaine? things will be fully revealed during the live-in...I only told VERY few ppl and I want to keep things like this for now...mainly because if I get a resit I'm f****d big time!

Happy now?

Issa halluni nistudja ta forsi jghaddi kollox b'wicc il-gid!

hugz xxx

Waiting

At 6th form some of my friends were in a band called Rushour and one of their originals was called "Waiting" and it said:

waiting for something to happen,
....
If I could tell you what I'm feeling,
You'd be drowning in the ocean I embrace...

...and that is exactly how I am feeling right now! the confirmation/dismissal email from Delft could be in any time. This morning when I switched on my laptop by the time I got to check my emails my heart was beating at 200 beats/min and my hands were(and still are) shaking...but it was all for nothing...still 79 unread msgs...not 80...not 81...pfff
waiting for an answer from these dutch guys is like being mawmettu's mountian...you wait, you wait and it never comes...so much so that the mountain decided to go to mawmettu instead. Problem is that I cannot go to Delft now so I'm going to have to wait and hope and pray that the email comes to me...possibly with a positive answer!

I  have no idea how I'm going to manage to do anything today apart from clicking refresh!

long time no...write

weeks have passed and yet they seemed like days

too many things on my "to do" list...and none of them seem to want to get crossed off. My mind is clouded by questions of "is it the right choice?" and yet no one in this world can help me give them an answer...only myself and only with God's help.

The light at the end of the tunnel has vanished. Everything seems hazy.

I don't see how I'll ever finish these stupid assignments. I don't see how I'll ever be ready to sit for those exams in less than a month's time. But especially. I don't see how I'll ever be able to get the grades I need to live the dream. And yet initially it didn't seem so difficult.

It is time to press the stop button for the background music and the play button for the real thing.
To pull up my socks and press the accelerator pedal.
To forget everything else and live for IT.
But most importantly, to give all I have and all I'm worth for IT.

It might still not be enough, but at least I would have tried.

farewell my dears xxx

thinking thinking thinking

This morning I realized what might be causing all the headaches: I think too much.
It's not funny...I really do think to much!
Martin tells me that I over-analyse everything and he is perfectly right! before I reach any cross roads I stop and think it all out. I think of all the possible pros and cons of every choice, and I even go further. I also come up with a number of "what if's" for what will be happening after that choice. ...And my little brain tries to analyse all this info to be able to choose the right path. And the path it tries to choose isn't the right path right now but it is the right path which will be right forever....and believe me, all this thinking and analyzing is bloody tiring!
At times I wish I could unplug my brain and live life on the spur of the moment and lock out all of this worrying and thinking and stuff...but when I stop and THINK about it I realize that I don't really want that either. When I was younger I used to make choices on the spur of the moment and I managed to collect quite a number of horrible choices over the years.
So NO, I don't want to stop thinking...I just want to find a way of switching it off during lectures or while I'm trying to understand the concepts behind X-ray diffraction or while working out vibrations tutorial sheets or even worse: while I'm trying to fall asleep...even though I found a solution for that: I start counting and by the time I'm at one hundred forty something I fall asleep. lol
Oh, and I think I know why I like the Networks lectures. My brain seems to analyse stuff in exactly the same way as we analyse networks to find the shortest path from a to b etc in networks. It's a pretty weird feeling to like a maths subject at uni!

Don't worry if you didn't understand shit of what you just read...my brain is complicated.

Now I'm off to continue my x-ray diffraction assignment...the joy!

xxxx

Science Week

As science week begins at our beloved (...on some days, despised on others) University of Malta, university is full of kids on school outings. I can't help looking at them and feel sorry for them.
This is not a grumpy blog.
I just think that when you look at a six year old and think that most probably this lively little kid is likely to have another 15 years(or more) of arse flattening studying ahead of him/her it makes me want to give the kid a big hug...poor thing!
I'm not saying that studying is horrible, far from it! I think I have learnt a lot of really interesting things in the last 17 years of my life...it's just the system and the side effects that are wrong.
why should I have a headache every day of my life?
why should I lose my hunger whenever I have a deadline?
why? pls tell me why because I really don't get it! during erasmus I never suffered from all this. So what is wrong? is it something in San Michel water or the Maltese air?

the weekend

...yes... yes... I know.

I know I didn't tell anyone about this blog so I cannot expect comments...but I'm still bugged.

I also spent the last week bugged because my birthday meal was not going to b held on the day of my birthday. Don't ask why but it really bugged me. And then today...today good news. I'm going to have my birthday meal on my birthday :)) yays :)

now I can look forward for the weekend...and PARTEEEEYYYY

A little one

...just a short one today.

Today was a good day.

Many little things made it a good day but the best one happened just as I was about to leave. While walking away from the library I passed from the quad and noticed something I had never noticed before. If you go to the quad at 5pm you will notice that at that time all the birds go to their nests in the trees and start chirping. The chirping is almost deafening...and it's wonderful!

It's one of the things I want to remember next year when I'll b away.