...a little thought...

I came across this quotation and felt the need to share it with the few people who actually read this blog:


"The man who comes back through the Door in the Wall will never be quite the same as the man who went out. He will be wiser but less sure, happier but less self-satisfied, humbler in acknowledging his ignorance yet better equipped to understand the relationship of words to things, of systematic reasoning to the unfathomable mystery which it tries, forever vainly, to comprehend." - Aldous Huxley


I think that this person was very wise...it's just so perfectly explained that there is nothing else to add.


As for me...I'm fine. Studying was never and will never be my favourite activity although I recognise it is a necessary evil. I cannot believe that just two exams and a presentation are the only things which separate me from my B.Mech.Eng. I would like to fast forward to the moment the lecturers will stop asking me questions about my thesis to see what it will be like at that point...at that point when there would be nothing left to be said and done...the point when all I did in the past four years will be put in the balance...like a mini final judgement. And what will be the verdict? that I am a mediocre or a good student? I don't know.


I am a person who fears change and yet, like a child who knows that fire is hot and will burn their skin, I feel attracted towards it. I don't know what it is but I know it is there... it stops my "worst case scenario" analysis and makes me want to do things that will take me to new places to do new things with new people...me ...a person who as a child had big problems socialising because of my almost-obesity and constant allergies which gave me the long lost nickname "green monster". And yet even then I never let people realise how much that nickname hurt me...I used to go on with the joke and just encapsulate the pain in a steel sphere...just to be released while I used to be walking towards my mother's car from the school exit. Then one fine day my mum asked why I had lost that sparkle in my eyes...I wanted to cry, scream, shout...but I told her I didn't know why. With time I shed the weight and the allergies stopped so things got better but once you lose that sparkle it is difficult to get it back...I got most of it back at sixth form (the best two years of my life) and now I get it intermittently...I hope it will be back one day.


I don't know where all this came from...I didn't plan to write so much...but once it's written I won't delete it.


to the person I love most in the entire world...the same person who gave me back my sparkle...the person who isn't very likely to read my blog post and yet I love him just the same...you are my sunshine!


:)

Karma Karma wherefore art thou?

Karma Karma wherefore art thou?

have you crossed the sea so deep,

and then walked to mountains, steep?

did you lose your purse and phone,

leaving you unable to call home?

I really need you to come back here.

I'll pick you up, just tell me where!

I need your help, I've so much to do,

and now the potentiostat has gone mad too.

You're right, you're right

it's I who's got to fight.

but alone I'm weak, I need your help!

what's this now? you say you don't exist?

you say the answer lies tied to my neck?

but I only have faith and charity...I have no hope

Oh...you say that faith will give me the hope I need...
...maybe you're right
...and maybe I'm wrong
...maybe I do have hope after all

OK then, enjoy the mountains, and send me a post card every now and again!

xxxx

Karma Restored!

Today was a good day :)

I actually managed to wake up at a decent time even though I went to sleep at 2am, arrived at uni at 8.30am (Great achievement!!) and managed to do all the work I had planned to do.

apart from these trivial, but none the less positive, achievements I had a little surprise waiting for me in the lab this morning. The corrupt data I kept whining about all weekend was miraculously still intact in the lab pc =D

...just to clarify, the pcs we have are really shitty and old, do not have a usb drive and are not connected to the internet so basically the only way to export the data is to save it on floppy disk...now when you need to save 20files which are approximately 800kB each on a floppy the obvious conclusion is that you need to zip them.  But winzip decided he wanted to piss me off so he fiddled a bit with the data in some of the files.

anyway I'm glad the data is safe and sound in my laptop finally

now all I have to do is work on my synopsis and literature review...Yipppy!! : /
...7days to the handing in of synopsis and lit rev
...35 days to the handing in of the final version of the thesis
...58days to the thesis presentation/viva ie the end of my B.Mech.Eng
Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
...and then...party time!!
after Olevels I cancaned all along republic street
...this time it's going to have to be something WILD!

Bad Karma

I don't usually believe in shit like karma and stuff but lately I'm rethinking my views.
my thesis work is a live example of murphy's law (whatever cannot go wrong, will go wrong in the worst possible manner)....come on! now that I thought I had managed to solve all the problems, I look at the data of my last test and I find that the stupid programme I use to record data managed to garble half the data. Which means I wasted one day worth of work between grinding, polishing, laquering and testing of the sample. LOVELY!
...and then Daniel wonders why I say I don't like computers
I know that at times they are useful and really make our life simpler but the truth is that most of the time they just make us swear and waste a lot of time and effort.
I just hope that having had a week of rest the computer at the lab will stop giving me rubbish and start giving me data I can work with...just living for the day all this will end!
I'm living for mid june...and the post exam shopping spree and post exam swim and post BEng UOM party...cos we're going to need one hell of a party!

light light where have you gone?

more than a week after Malta suffered a major power outage I cry out loud: "my light my light where have you gone?"
but my light does not depend on the luminescence of some metal/gas when excited by the electrons flowing through it...it depends on something different...something deeper within.
as exams and deadlines approach (very very fast) my body seems to shut down in a manner similar to hedgehogs in the middle of a highway..the thing is that I don't want it to shut down..I want a 2010 porche cayenne and instead I'm left with a 1957 Fiat 500.
and yet the light is still absent
...and i want it soo bad
is it normal to want a course so bad you're ready to write a 3000word long personal statement...get accepted for the course even though you don't fulfill the grade entry requirements and then the second ur told u wer accepted you start doubting everything and you stop feeling the spark (which was more of a lightning bolt before) when you look at the course description? I don't think that now that it has been all set, airline ticket booked and the fees paid it's the time when I should be doubting things.
I'm not saying that it's not a dream come true and that I'm not happy, don't get me wrong...it's just that I thought it would feel different.

on another note:
Anu left today...and it was soo sad to see her cry her heart out before she left...it is impressive how much we can get attached to our homes away from home. and yet no matter how sorry I was to see her leave, I just couldn't cry...and I couldn't understand it when I was there...then when she walked away from that glass window of the duty free area it hit me...why should I cry when I'm sure we will meet again...because I am sure that if we won't be able to go to india, there will be a day when she will return to this sunny rock. so there is absolutely no reason to be sad...it's not an adieu but a see you soon :)
and then I thought of what will be happening in exactly 4 months and 19 days...and just the thought makes me want to cry...the thought of leaving everything behind and starting afresh is beautiful and yet horrible at the same time...i will miss abi hugs when I cry cos the lab officer is making me go mad and i am stressed and tired...i will miss picking on abigail...i will miss julia ice tea after mass on sundays and julia chats and julia hugs and the sound of her laughter...i will miss the conversations I have with maria about future and masters and university and a lot of other things...I will miss post exam shopping sprees with girlfriends...i will miss stefan's funny dancemoves and tight hugs...i will miss the pointless conversations with matthew and thomas...i will miss the summer bbqs next to surfside with julia thomas matthew and co...i will miss the way at times i would like to send matthew and thomas to hell but i end up not sending them to hell cos deep down i know i love them too much and i dont want them to hate me...i will miss a whole lot of other things but most of all i will miss the way michela says "Ti Ti" when she hears my voice, the way she runs towards me when I get home from a long day at uni and the way she hugs me tight and kisses me.
...and IF I don't cry when I'm leaving please don't think it's because I don't love you all...it's because most probably I will be spending all the flight crying like a baby like when we went to Glasgow...but since even writing these things made me cry, the chances are that I won't manage to keep it in that long!
good night
xxxxxxx

Writer's Block

...I am suffering from Acute Writerus Blockitis...also known as writer's block. The weird thing is that I really feel like filling my blog with new posts and have loads of things to say...but when it comes to writing my literature review, inspiration flies out of the window! 


meeehhhhhhhh!!!!!


Now that we bought the one-way tickets for the 19th of August it suddenly started sinking in...THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING TO ME! 


when I got to know I was accepted for SAC 6th form I was happy because I knew it was an opportunity to start afresh...and at that point I WANTED to start afresh!...now I don't really need to start afresh...all my friend vacancies have been filled... I have the friends I have intelligent conversations with, those with which I simply act silly, those I go shopping with and the one I enjoy doing all of the above with(and this person isn't necessarily Daniel)...and yet I'm still going to start afresh...this time not because I'm unhappy with what I have but because I want to do something more...
definition of more from http://www.yourdictionary.com/more : 

adjective

1. greater in amount, degree, or number: often used as the comparative of much ormany we have more time than we thought
2. additional; further take more tea

noun

1. a greater amount, quantity, or degree
2. 
   
   
   1. a greater number (of persons or things) more of us are going
   2. a greater number of persons or things
3. something additional or further more can be said
4. something of greater importance

adverb

1. in or to a greater degree or extent: used with many adjectives and adverbs (regularly with those of three or more syllables) to form the comparative degree more satisfying,more intensely
2. in addition; further; again; longer

and yet, my kind of "more" is still difficult to define

It's certainly not more friends or more money

...well maybe the closest I can get to it is: being in a position to do more for more people...and yet this can still be misinterpreted.

Some people think that I want to change the world...I don't want to change the world...I want to change the mentality of those who think that the world cannot be changed.

to make julia and elaine happy

ok one little update...the lyrics were:
Waiting for something to happen!
Grey skies are hiding what I've done.
If I could tell you what I'm feeling,
You'd be drowning in this ocean I embrace

Happy now Ju?

oh, and yes, I'm not waiting any more...I'm a happy bunny...and in a few months time I'm going to start learning a new language......do you need any more hints Elaine? things will be fully revealed during the live-in...I only told VERY few ppl and I want to keep things like this for now...mainly because if I get a resit I'm f****d big time!

Happy now?

Issa halluni nistudja ta forsi jghaddi kollox b'wicc il-gid!

hugz xxx